How Misplaced Perception Can Play Into Grief

I used to impress upon people in my seminars and workshops that we are all unique and that these uniquenesses need to be appreciated and respected. We have our own unique perceptions, however we often automatically assume that others share the same perceptions as ours. We then make assumptions for others based on our interpretation. The term I use for it is ‘misplaced perception’.

A former co-worker once said to me ‘perception is reality’, to which I replied, ‘reality is reality’, perception is a distortion of reality to accommodate ones’ unique viewpoint.

A prime example of ‘misplaced perception’ was the case of a woman I dealt with who was highly distressed over her ailing mother. Her mother was in her eighties, had suffered from serious deteriorating health issues for several years, and she had very little quality of life. During this same period her mother had also lost her husband and sister, both of whom she was very close to. Her mother lamented frequently about her loneliness and sense of loss.

This woman was shocked when I explained to her that her mother was truly ready to pass over and had been ready for some time. She protested that her mother loved her and her family, and would certainly not want to leave them.

I explained that although her mother loved her dearly and was possibly fearful of the actual passing, those she had loved most deeply and were closest to her during her life on this plane had already gone ahead and she missed them terribly.

This woman began to cry and stated that although she knew the passing was inevitable, she was afraid to leave her mother’s side for fear that her mother would die alone. I pointed out that perhaps her mother was hoping to die alone and couldn’t pass over comfortably while her daughter was clinging so tightly to her. I explained that people often choose to pass while they’re alone because they can rest assured that they will step to the other side uninterrupted and with as little emotional trauma as possible for them and those they love and are leaving.

I continued by mentioning to her that she was assuming her mother wanted to stay here, yet had said herself that her mother’s quality of life was very poor and she was in constant pain. I assured her that her mother’s body was already tired to the point of her wanting to be released from it.

I suggested that instead of mourning when she passed, she should celebrate for her mother’s sake because it would truly be a blessing for her mother. I added that after passing, her mother’s energy and spirit would always be standing with her and her mother would feel relieved to see her daughter smiling rather than crying.

This woman considered what I said and soon found that upon looking at the situation from a different perspective, she no longer felt fearful of losing her mother or not being by her side as she passed. She was accepting of releasing her perceptions and also releasing her mother. As hard as it was, she stopped begging her mother to stay and not leave her, and began assuring her mother that it was ok for her to go to her husband and sister if that’s what she was ready to do.

Although still grief-stricken when her mother did pass soon afterward, she found that she could celebrate her mother’s life and coped with the passing in a much different way. She also understood that her mother had not left her upon passing, will remain connected to her in soul form and reunite with her when it is ultimately her time to pass.

We assume that our loved ones want us beside them when they pass. While in many cases this is true, sometimes we’re really not welcome. Some prefer to pass without family present so the letting go and transition is easier for them.

We feel guilty because our loved one was alone at what we perceive to be their final hour of need. We don’t realize that they are not alone leading up to and during their passing; that those they loved deeply who are already on the other side help them cross over to the other side at the 24th hour of their life and final breath.


Deborah Johnson
Clairvoyant, Medium, Author, Speaker
‘Connecting and understanding spirit, both living and passed’

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.