Whether true or not, many say that your life flashes before your eyes as you’re dying. If this is true, I would imagine you would see a kaleidoscope of scenes highlighting your successes and failures, trials and tribulations, and memories of those closest to you.

But what happens after the dust of your passing settles? What reflective thoughts and feelings do you have now that you’re no longer tied to the physical plane and have become an observer of life rather than a participant?

Apart from the outpouring of ‘I love yous,’ ‘I miss yous’ and positive comments from those who have passed, let me list the most consistent regrets and revelations that have come through during my Medium sessions over the years.

Not one soul has ever mentioned their business nor their financial accomplishments. Not one soul gloated over their individual triumphs and glorifying highlights of their lives. Every message pertained to relationships, gratefulness and/or apologies.

1. I’m Sorry I Didn’t …
Take more time to just enjoy life, I was always too busy
– Take more time with you when you were growing up, I should have been more who you needed me to be
– Have more patience and understanding
– Let you be who you wanted to be
– Listen to you more instead of always telling you what I though

2. I Wish I Had…
– Told you more often how proud I was and still am of you
– Not been so rigid and controlling, allowed myself to have more fun
– Enjoyed what I had instead of discontentedly always striving for more
– Lived life to the fullest because when you get to the other side you realize it’s too late and you can’t change a thing – seize the moments and make each one count
– Not been afraid

3. If I Could Come Back, I Would Change…
– How I looked after myself, maybe I would have been able to stay with you a little longer
– How I treated you. it was never your fault, the fault was all mine. (this comment was most prevalent where there had been instances of abuse, whether sexual, physical, mental or emotional)
– My insurance policy, papers, and financials so you would have been looked after better

4. I Should Have…
– Listened to you more. I gave you advice that fit with my ideals and not in my heart what I knew was best for you
– Ignored what others thought and said and just followed what felt was right for me
– Supported your dreams more to make your life happier instead of always thinking of mine

5. Thank You For…
– Taking such good care of me
– Loving me despite my many faults
– Looking after the rest of the family after my passing.

I know the list seems extensive and that our passed loved ones had a lot to say but there is a common thread with every comment. The thread of awareness, acceptance for perceived shortcomings, and a wish to pass along their feelings about how they would change those things if they could.

Some of my clients replied to their loved ones’ comments with assurances that they didn’t see things quite that way but understood the sentiments. Others accepted the comments and apologies and were happy that their loved ones had gained awareness and clarity around their actions before their passing.

Where there were cases of abuse, the fact that their deceased loved one not only acknowledged their wrong-doing but took responsibility for it was paramount. These very words spoken from the other side gave those particular clients a sense of closure and inner peace that they had been searching for and feared they would never hear because of the passing.

We certainly all have that ability to measure of our pluses and minuses when we reflect on our lives to date, but with awareness comes that golden opportunity to make amendments and changes. We have the time while here to express our love verbally or through our actions, to show our appreciation to those who are important to us, and to express those two little words ‘I’m sorry’ when we falter, all of which may make the world of difference to another.



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